He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
