how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
