And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
