New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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