I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
