He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
