He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
