I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
