would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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