I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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