If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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