I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
