So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
