is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
