I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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