Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
