You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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