Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
