please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
