sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
