There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
