How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
