you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
