2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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