I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
