Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
