you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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