I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The best revenge is premature balding
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
