he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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