Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
