Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
