i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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