my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
