I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
