I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
