Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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