We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm really busy with my period
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