..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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