In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
