This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
