please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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