it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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