Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
