I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
