does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
