If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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