I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
