how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
