grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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