Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize