break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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