how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
