I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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