What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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