I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
