What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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