I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize