I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
