I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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