dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
