Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As shirtless as possible
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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