is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
