Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize