U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
