Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
