We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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