So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
