Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize