i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
