I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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