Swine flu. Run for my life!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
