is your mom at the bar?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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