If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
